Now look over my right shoulder.
Good .
Look over my left shoulder.
Very good .
You know, Mr. Gromberg , you're not gonna want to hear this,
but for a man of your age, less than a year after a stroke,
you are in remarkable shape.
Well , my damn ticker.
A mile a minute.
Your cardiogram showed no abnormalities.
Blood pressure high?
Your blood pressure? Better than mine.
How about my liver?
Your liver's holding up perfectly.
-Kidneys? -Fine.
What about this?
What? This?
That's dry skin , Mr. Gromberg .
lt's not cancer.
Say ''ahh .''
Are you still seeing your speech therapist?
No.
He talks worse than l do.
Well , l hate to tell you this, Mr. Gromberg ,
but it looks like you still have a few good years left.
A few good years.
How do you know?
Do you talk to the man upstairs?
Hey, Gromberg , what's that supposed to be?
A sensei .
A what?
A sensei . Karate sensei .
Oh , yeah?
Your karate guy ever seen a pair of these before?
Good morning .
l'd like you to join me in welcoming back Abigail Staley.
Most of you have known her since kindergarten .
lt looks like she escaped from the circus.
ls there something you'd care to share, gentlemen?
So, no matter what you've heard over the last couple of months,
l know that you will be kind and considerate.
lsn't that right, Mr. Cooper?
Abby.
What the hell are you looking at?
Gromberg , l am gonna have
the red-line Martine agreement for the meeting , aren't l?
l am working on it as we speak, Barney.
Just checking .
Sure thing .
Asshole.
-Alex? -Yeah?
Your wife on line two.
What time are the Martine people getting here?
Any minute.
Shit.
Yeah , hiya, Beck.
Hi . l have five minutes between patients.
l just needed a moment of sanity.
So you're calling me?
Am l on speakerphone?
Sorry, honey, l'm just up to my ass with this Martine thing .
Your parents are coming at 6:30.
Don't you dare be late.
And they're bringing Uncle Stephen .
Oh , my God . Better get out the body bags.
l'll pick up some matzo after the soup kitchen .
Okay, bye.
Bye, love.
Got a minute?
Oh , Deb, please.
This is Rosario.
She's a sister-in-Law to Marie Elena,
who cleans my house.
lt's very nice to meet you , Rosario.
-lf you'll excuse me. -Rosario has a problem .
She lives with her four sons, her sister,
her sister's husband , and their three kids.
They haven't had hot water for three months.
They made it through winter without heat.
Almost made it through .
Her father just passed away from pneumonia.
Rosario, l'm sorry about your dad ,
but l don't know what to do.
l haven't done public-advocacy stuff in years.
Well , it's what you should be doing .
All right, Rosario. Okay.
l'll take a look. l'll see what l can do.
No, no problemo.
Gracias, señorita.
ls someone coming to pick you up, Mrs. Gromberg?
Yes. My grandson .
Well , you let us know if you need a taxi , okay?
You shouldn't be walking .
l have two grandsons.
Eli's the youngest. He's 1 1 .
He's Pappy's favorite.
And Asher's the one who's picking me up.
l didn't want him to bother, but my son insisted .
Asher's very laid out.
Laid back.
Back.
Right.
Are you among the living today, Mr. Gromberg?
Yeah , l'm here, man .
What do you want to know?
l asked if you had any thoughts on the progress
of Mr. Stein's one-act play, ''Three Kikes and a Hebe.''
Yeah , to tell you the truth , sir,
l was completely blown away by this piece of material here.
Stein , that part where you have
the antagonist antagonizing the protagonist.
-That was rock-solid . -This is ridiculous.
How many pages of Mr. Stein's did you actually read?
That's a good question .
l believe it was all but the last 1 9, sir.
Out of 20?
Mr. Edwards.
Not bad .
Yes, Ms. Maloney?
l am amazed at you people.
Did no one but l find the sickening display
of anti-Semitism incredibly offensive?
l did . l certainly did .
When you have a Jewish character playing charades,
and you devote 1 0 pages to his feeble attempt
at acting out ''Holocaust''
and make no condemnation of the Nazis?
l mean , do you have no sense of decency?
Have you no sense of humor?
Humor?
How can l be anti-Semitic? l was Bar Mitzvahed .
He's on call .
l'm sorry about that, guys.
l gotta pick up my grandmother.
Could you possibly be any more unappealing?
You are like a zoo monkey smeared in its own feces.
Someone should follow you around with a pooper-scooper.
Pooper-scooper, huh?
Mr. Gromberg , show a little class on your way out.
Yes, sir.
-Watch out, man . -Yo, dude.
Okay, my beautiful ladies,
today we are running a little bit of a special .
2 bags for $90.
Nicky said he got 2 for $ 1 20.
Well , for Nicky, 2 bags at $ 1 20,
but for Katie and Erica, 2 bags are $90.
Well , do you take checks?
Cash only, sweetie.
l don't have any cash .
l don't have any. . .
l gotta get out of here.
But l have to go to an ATM.
Don't worry. l'll get you guys next time.
You see, Dr. Gromberg ,
in the window was this display of socks.
Beautiful , fun socks.
Every color imaginable. Cashmere.
Next thing l know,
the saleswoman is wrapping up 1 0 pairs for me.
40 bucks a pair.
That's a lot of money for socks.
Does Noah buy you special gifts?
l can't remember the last time
he came home with anything for me.
Son of a bitch .
Sir?
No, no, not you .
My ex-partner, Kipling .
He died .
At last.
We're here, sir.
Stephen , your brother is here.
Ahoy, Captain .
Are you ready to go?
Where we going?
Pesach . We're going to a Seder.
-Passover. -Yes.
Not yet.
And gefilte fish .
Mom makes good gefilte fish .
Gefilte fish , yes.
But not Mama's.
Zabar's.
My daughter-in-law can't cook.
What are they doing?
That's gross!
You don't know what that is?
That's 69.
69's all right, but it's nothing like oral sex.
Anybody wet their pampers today?
No.
You?
Hey, you .
You're in little Abby Staley's class, right?
You tell little Abby she never finished what she started .
Tell her l've waited too long . My balls are gonna burst.
Miss Congeniality.
Jesus, Gromberg , are you following me?
Why would l be following you?
You just called me a zoo monkey smeared in my own feces,
which l actually thought was funny.
But l'm actually just on my way to go pick up my grandmother.
Your grandmother? That is such bullshit.
l am . Sometimes l pick her up from dialysis.
You are so following me, and l wish you would stop it.
You know what, Peg?
You excite me.
You are so moronic, it is unreal .
Oh , screw me.
l don't think so.
No, l gotta go.
But before l do, let me get your digits.
-Excuse me? -Your phone number.
l want to give you a buzz.
You don't get the message, do you?
What do l have to do, barf on your Nikes?
Give me your number, and l'll quit hassling you .
-lt's on the class roster. -Oh , yeah?
Under ''unavailable.''
At least give me some skin .
Later.
Excuse me, is Mrs. Gromberg here?
You just missed her.
l put her in a taxi 1 0 minutes ago.
Damn .
Was she okay, at least?
Listen , she's old . lt takes a lot out of her.
lf you can't be here on time,
get somebody else who can pick her up.
What kind of shit-ass portion is this?
Now serve it up.
Everything okay, Suzie?
l explained that we don't give seconds
until everyone's had a turn .
She ain't gave me but a few carrots.
A man needs his vitamin ''E .''
lt's vitamin ''A.'' lt keeps the eyes sharp.
We can't serve seconds till everybody gets their first.
Tell you what l'm gonna do.
Why don't you sit down and enjoy your meal?
l'm gonna make a plate.
lf you're still hungry, you come on back here,
and this plate will be sitting , waiting for you right here.
Aren't you the little peacemaker today?
They should give you an award .
They already have.
''Most Dishes Washed . Lake Kiamasha, 1 966.''
Yeah , but not for how many you do.
lt's for how damn good you look when you do them .
Oh , wait a minute.
What?
Oh , don't tell me you haven't felt it.
Felt what?
The heat between us for weeks now.
All the steam , the chafing dishes.
-Suzie. -What?
l'm so. . .
Come on . You know l'm married , Suzie.
Yeah , l do. And so am l .
You are such a troublemaker.
Oh , but, you see, l'm kind of worth it, so. . .
Oh , shit. Oh , shit.
Look, l can't do this.
Oh , you see, l have evidence to the contrary.
You said if l was still hungry. . .
Come here.
Oh , thank you , no. lt's a little early for me.
Salud.
Okay, what can l do to help?
The dishes.
Don't break any.
You're such the happy helper this evening , aren't you?
lt's called survival , honey.
Mom?
Yeah , honey?
What a facacta neighborhood .
-Hello. -Hi .
Hiya, Mom . How are you?
Let me give you a kiss.
-Let me take your coat. -Thank you .
Hi , Uncle Stephen ! How are you?
He's not deaf.
-Hiya, Dad . -How you doing , hmm?
-Let me get your coat. -He's not deaf.
He's just demented .
Where are the boys?
Where's Asher?
He'll be here any minute.
Move into the living room .
-Can l get you a drink? -That would be lovely.
-Alex? -Yeah?
This year, please, some real wine.
Mitchell .
Oh , you don't like the kosher wine we serve you , Dad?
You schlepp me all the way down here,
at least give me wine that l can drink.
That's a point well taken .
Would you get me a tequila while you're at it?
-Eli . -Grandma, Grandpa.
Give me five.
Eli , this is important.
First.
A quick kick in the shins gets his attention .
Then , using the palm .
Smack in the kisser.
Push his nose right into his brain .
Mitchell , what are you telling him?
Don't worry. Don't worry.
You finish . A knee right in the family jewels.
Mitchell , please refrain from filling my son's head
with your blood-and-guts stories.
Every boy should know these things.
Every boy should not know these things.
-Yes, l should . -Yeah .
Not yet. Not yet.
Was he always like this?
Oh , no, dear.
No.
Uncle Stephen was a great Navy man .
Very brave and very dashing in his uniform .
All right, everybody, let's come to the table.
Where's Asher?
He's probably hanging out on some street corner.
We'll start. He'll join us when he gets here.
Manners of a caveman .
Mama, you're there.
Thank you , Mitchell .
Why, he should be here.
Not yet.
We thank you , O Lord , our God , king of the universe,
who creates the fruit of the vine.
-Amen . -Amen .
1 92 7?
Give me a hard one.
This is the bread of our affliction ,
and this one is the afikomen .
l will hide the afikomen . And don't you cheat.
''Why is it on all other nights during the year,
we eat bread or matzo, but on this night, we eat only matzo?''
Excuse me.
-Now what? -l'm sorry.
You have to take this now?
My grandson is reading the four questions.
Eli , please, l'm sorry.
-No, it's okay. -Barney, hi .
We're having dinner right now.
lgnores his duties at the firm for years.
Now he has to work.
-Mitchell , not now. -Wait a minute.
-What did you say? -You heard me.
You're talking to me about duty, Dad?
l know all about duty.
Duty to my family as well as my work.
What about me?
Alex, don't start this.
Where were you , huh?
l mean , where were you?
At least l've made an effort to be here, huh?
Eli .
Read it like you mean it.
''Why is this night'' --
Hey, everybody.
Hello.
Well , at least you got here before Elijah did .
-Stephen , Pappy, and Mom . -Hello, darling .
Hey, little man .
-Good to see you , son . -Good to see you , too, Dad .
-Glad you could make it. -Yeah . Me too.
Wonderful dinner.
You want to find out if anybody would like the last piece?
Would anybody else like this last piece of brisket?
No, thanks.
At least there's somebody else that likes the wine.
You aren't doing too bad .
Mom , mean brisket.
My best work yet, isn't it?
Wonderful .
Come on . What is it? Tell me.
-Stephen , tell me. -ls he all right?
He's all right. He's having a good time.
Abby Staley came back today.
-Who? -What, honey?
Abby Staley came back to class today.
-Who's she? -She did?
This little girl in his class.
She ran away with an older boy. She's 1 2 .
This happened in artsy-fartsy school . Kids run away?
Did you talk to her?
No. l don't even like her.
She thinks she's cooler than everybody else.
lf she wants to run away, that's okay.
You could be more compassionate.
She's obviously going through a hard time.
Whatever.
Do you ever think about running away?
Sometimes.
l would run away, too,
from such a facacta school .
That's helpful , Mitchell .
That's enough . You know how rough --
Enough !
He said it.
Good for you .
You want to tell us why you didn't pick up your grandmother?
Alex, you promised me you wouldn't say anything .
lt's no big deal .
l think it's a big deal .
Asher, we ask so little of you .
Do you know how serious it is?
Do you have any idea what dialysis is?
Yeah , Dad , l do.
Kidney dialysis is the process
of filtering the accumulated waste products of metabolism
from a patient whose kidneys aren't functioning properly.
lf this is too much responsibility to take. . .
Listen .
When l was his age, l supported a wife, a kid .
That's not true, Dad .
When you were his age, l wasn't even born yet.
All of you , let it pass. Let it be.
Matter of fact, l had a very interesting experience
after l left dialysis.
l got in a cab.
Yeah?
And then l went to my mother's old building .
Why did you do that?
l'm not sure.
l just found myself there.
l think it's a sign .
Honey, what the hell are you talking about, a sign?
What sign?
Look, Granny, l'm sorry.
Oh , it's all right, honey.
l'm gonna go drain my dragon .
Drain his what?
His dragon , dear.
You can't always run away, Asher.
You're going to have to --
Jesus.
Dude. Silent but violent.
l surrender!
You win , you win .
l surrender.
Okay, we'll do it your way.
What?
l didn't say you can come in here.
l didn't ask, man .
So, what's your secret, bro?
All this yin-yang stuff bring the pootie-tang?
What's that mean?
Got yourself a lady friend these days?
None of your business.
You poking her?
l'm 1 1 .
Who cares, man?
Tell me you've slapped the Gromberg lip lock on her.
Not yet. But l'm gonna.
That's all right, man . Come here.
How many girls have you macked so far?
None.
None?
None.
Now, what's this supposed to be?
lt's whatever you think it is.
What does it look like to you?
Like a piece of shit.
He's just being provocative.
Now he's an art critic.
Hello!
What was this place? A paint factory?
lnk factory, Dad .
Strange place to raise kids, huh?
4,000 square feet. Supportive parents.
How bad can it be, Dad?
And that's why Asher is a social misfit.
That's it.
Boys! Time for the afikomen !
49 years. l don't know how you do it.
He's been through a lot this past year.
This year isn't any different.
He's still a ball-buster, except this year
it's more difficult for him to enunciate his insults.
When are you gonna learn
to ignore the things you don't like about him
and embrace the things you do?
He loves you .
He sure has a funny way of showing it.
Alex, he's not gonna be around forever.
Found it!
$ 1 ,000.
What?
One for me and one for Asher.
Aren't you the lucky boy!
Thank Granny and Pappy for being so unbelievably generous.
Thanks, Granny.
You're welcome, honey.
Hey, my boy.
My boy.
l wish you and Alex would stop.
What?
They're waltzing , Mitchell .
Look at that.
lsn't that glorious?
Can't remember the last time we danced together.
Hey, we'll get to still see the end of the game.
l thought this night would never end .
-What? -Uncle Stephen .
Oh , Jesus.
''Enough !''
Do you think Asher was stoned?
No.
l don't know. lt's hard to tell .
He's always like that.
l don't like what's happening with him .
He's 2 1 , honey.
l wish he would talk to us.
l wish both of them would talk to us.
l mean , what's with this?
What's going on in that head of his?
lt's not that complicated .
He's asking for a $ 1 0 raise with his allowance.
An 1 1 -year-old boy. You don't think this is absurd?
Absolutely. lt's a highball number.
That's not what l mean .
l mean , our son presented us with a spreadsheet.
lt's not about finances, Alex, it's about our son .
Both of them feeling comfortable talking to us.
We're comfortable.
What do you mean?
Talking to each other.
Well , yeah .
Compared to most couples.
Yeah .
Good night, sweetie.
Watch where you're going !
On your right.
On your left.
Oh , l'm so sorry, sir.
-Are you okay, sir? -You all right, sir?
Would you like to sit down?
Would you like a smack in the kisser?
Get off of me.
Sorry.
How was your walk, Mr. Gromberg?
Mr. Gromberg?
Hi .
l can't figure out this damn E-mail .
lt looks like Eli sent me something ,
but l can't figure out how to reply.
Use a pen .
l fell .
Are you all right?
Evelyn , let me give you some good advice.
Never get old .
Hiya, Becky, sweetheart.
l know you want to wish Eli good luck,
since you can't be here.
Here he is.
Hi , Dad .
Eli , you go get them , all right?
Thanks, Dad . Here's Mom .
l got all your roses, darling .
lt was very extravagant.
Happy anniversary, sweetheart.
22 years, huh? 22 .
Happy anniversary to you , too.
l'll see you later. Bye.
Okay. See you tonight.
l love you .
Deb, a little rent strike?
This is not a little rent strike.
This is a goddamn uprising .
You can handle it. Just be yourself.
Myself? You talking about the knee-jerk liberal
who hasn't been above 86th street in years?
Señor Gromberg !
l gotta go, Deb. Thank you .
So, together, we will succeed
not only in getting your heat and hot water back on . . .
What did you say to them?
l don't know.
l just asked them how they felt about hot showers,
and l guess they like them .
What you got, dude?
What you got, dog?
All right, you ready for this, man?
l'll run a clinic on you , dog .
You like this? Watch this.
Sub! Sub!
Oh , you are such a sad boy.
Come here.
Excuse me.
Damn , man .
Punk ass hit me with the body.
Looked like a foul to me.
What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in class?
Didn't feel like going to class today, l guess.
What? l can't cut class?
What about you? This is your fifth time this semester.
At least someone's counting .
l couldn't care less how many classes you cut.
You're the one wasting the tuition , not me.
Yeah , well , it looks like l'm gonna have to cough up
another year's worth .
l just got a letter from the registrar.
They want me to stick around for another year.
My grades are the pits, so, whatever.
Sorry, Asher.
Yeah , it's all good .
What'd you expect?
Shit, l'm late. l gotta go.
All right.
Give me your hand .
What?
Your hand , fool .
Okay.
What's this?
My digits.
Okay.
Call me.
l will .
Maybe.
This is so high school .
Oh , are you gonna pretend nothing ever happened?
Nothing did happen .
What is that? The Bill Clinton defense?
l could've sworn something happened .
Why don't you just finish me off?
Suzie, l am so flattered , okay?
But we gotta let this go, because the truth is,
guilt is stronger than lust.
l was so proud of you . You did so good .
Let's put this right here so Dad can't miss it
when he comes in , okay?
Wonderful .
l'm starving .
Eli , Dad and l talked about your allowance request.
We have no problem giving you more money.
We know you'll spend it wisely.
We wish that you'd let us know a little more
of what you're thinking . ln words.
You know what l mean?
Whatever.
l just want you to know that you can talk to us about anything .
Whatever's on your mind .
There's nothing you can say that will upset us.
Understood?
Do you and Dad ever 69?
Will it be the usual , Mr. Gromberg?
The usual .
And for you , Mrs. Gromberg?
She'll have the usual .
What's good tonight, Bruno?
Well , tonight we have the Osso Buco.
Very nice. Served with potatoes and broccoli .
We have a veal chop cooked in a Marsala wine.
Very lovely.
l'll just have the usual as well .
Good decision .
Well , at least l entertain the idea
of trying something new.
A concept that you've never grasped .
Let's do presents.
Oh , maybe there's a job offer for our oldest son in here?
Oh , boy, huh? l could only hope.
Wait a minute. Ladies first.
l may be a selfish , money-grubbing lawyer,
but l am still a gentleman .
God knows who you learned that from .
My mother, of course.
Of course.
Well , it's on order.
lt's got automatic button holding , autoembroidery,
autoeroticism .
This little puppy can do everything .
lt's called a. . .
A sewing machine.
l . . .
Thank you .
Now, wait, is this a schmucky thing to do?
No. No, no.
You always talked about wanting to design clothes, didn't you?
l did , didn't l?
Yeah .
Thank you , honey.
l don't know when l'll find the time, but l will .
l'll make the time.
Open yours.
Oh , l think l may be the winner this year.
This is feeling awfully light.
Cashmere.
Now, what did l do to deserve this?
l have no idea.
Look under the socks.
Florence.
l thought that we both could use a little Florence.
Second honeymoon .
Honey, thank you . Thanks a lot.
Shit.
Yeah , well , go take it.
The hell with him .
l've taken up a new case.
The Martine account wasn't enough?
Pro bono.
l'm working on a rent strike in Harlem .
Oh , honey.
That's the best thing l've heard you say in months.
Oh , what's up?
Let her in , man .
Hey, come around .
-By the way. . . -What's that?
. . .it's Katie.
l know that, sweetie.
l'm just reminding you for the morning .
Can l ask you something?
Anything you want, Katie.
Whose number is that?
That number right there is a number for the burn unit
at the Mount Sinai Hospital .
ln case it gets a little bit too steamy tonight.
What the hell's going on here, Alex?
Prostitution , drugs, rock 'n' roll .
We just got a call from Waxman over at Martine.
Yeah? How's his lisp these days?
You gone wacko?
Could you excuse us, please?
Not that l'm aware of, no.
You just took opposing counsel against a client of ours.
Do the words ''due diligence'' ring a bell?
That project that you just flew into
with your goddamn pro-bono cape flapping all over the place
happens to be owned and run by Martine.
They're threatening to switch counsel .
That's a $9 million account for this firm .
$9 million .
They are breaking the law, Barney.
Morning , Barney.
What's this?
They're called papusas.
They're from Rosario.
Must l remind you
that our currency does not come in the form
of tortillas?
Papusas.
You have been taken off the Martine account.
Given the facts, that probably makes the best sense.
Might as well take me off everything .
-What was that? -Nothing .
Just because you thumbed your nose at becoming a partner
doesn't mean you don't have obligations to this firm .
This is too big a screw-up to ignore. . .
even for the founding partner's son .
Oh , shit, Dad .
Alex, it's Asher returning your call .
Hey, Ash . Where'd l catch ya?
The library.
Oh , what'd they do? Roll a couple of kegs in there?
No, Dad . l'm just doing a little writing .
That's good .
l'd love to read something you write, whatever it is, okay?
That's fantastic, Dad .
l appreciate it.
How's that job hunt coming?
Dad , l'm late for class.
Ash , that's not the reason l called ya.
l wanted to know if you wanted to go to the game tonight.
We'd have a couple beers.
l can't, okay?
Ash , l'm talking about the Yankees. Box seats.
Dad , l can't go, all right?
l'm sorry. l'll give you a call back.
Mike Bordick leads it off
and takes a pitch from Roger Clemens. . .
What the hell?
l'm watching the Yankees. Turn that thing off.
Let's go.
Up. We're going to dance.
Are you out of your mind?
Just about.
That's why you're gonna turn off that damn box and dance.
Off, Mitchell . That's not off.
Hold me.
l am holding you .
No, you fool .
Hold me like you love me.
There, that's better.
You went away
And my heart went with you
l speak your name
ln my every prayer
lf there is some other way
To prove that l love you
l swear l don't know how
You'll never know
lf you don't know now
That's good , huh?
How you doing , buddy?
You doing okay?
Yeah . Game's good .
l didn't mean just the game.
Food's good .
No, l mean , how's your life going , Eli?
Anything you want to ask the old man? Now's your chance.
l've had a little bit of experience, you know?
No, l'm good .
-Charge! -Charge!
Now batting for the Yankees, number 1 9, Robin Ventura.
The bottom of the sixth , is starter Sidney Ponson .
Hit well , right field . Gibbons makes a sliding grab.
Torre has hit the ball well all four times tonight.
One away in the Yankee eighth .
l was thinking a nightgown
in that mercerized Egyptian cotton .
Lots of pictures up here.
Slinky.
Hey, it moved ! This is great!
Let me get a pen , because l don't want to forget this.
l want to write this down . Wait.
Hang on , hang on .
Let's see.
Comfortable?
Talking?
Evelyn ! Ninth inning .
Get in here!
Shot right back to Julio.
He drops to first, throws to Segui in time.
Ball game over, and Baltimore wins.
Lousy game.
They should have yanked that pitcher in the third inning .
That was a big mistake. A big mistake.
Your bath is ready!
And l'm ready, too.
You can't take a bath in your clothes.
Get up.
Jeez.
Get up, woman .
Oh , no.
No. No.
Don't you dare do that.
Get up, woman .
Goddamn , Evelyn , get up!
Oh , get up.
What. . .
Get up, Evelyn .
Get up. Get up.
We were wondering what happened to you .
Thought you'd give public transportation a break.
Come out with your family today.
l always take the train .
l know you like the train ,
and somebody would have picked you up,
or l would have come and picked you up.
Where's Uncle Stephen?
He's in bad shape.
The doctor wouldn't let him come.
Hey, what are all these cars doing at my place?
They're friends of Mom's. Come to pay their last respects.
When l think of my mother. . .
. . .l think of her posture.
The way that she carried herself through life.
She was upright with dignity. Always.
And those laser eyes of hers, seeing right through ya.
One look from her,
and she knew what the truth was, whatever the situation was.
When l think of my mother, l think of the word ''grace.''
That was a word that was invented for her.
She set the standard in loyalty, family pride,
in love.
And she taught me well .
What to look for in choosing a wife.
So, Mom , l thank you .
What the hell are you doing?
l gotta pick up some stuff, so l thought l'd take it for a ride.
What's the matter with your Kraut car?
lt's Japanese, Dad .
Still the enemy.
We're not at war anymore, remember?
They're not the enemy. They may be yours.
My brother lost his legs because of some Nazi bastard .
Dad , all l want to do is just take it for a spin .
Nobody else drives this Chevy but me.
Fine. You just keep your precious car.
You shouldn't be driving a goddamn shopping cart,
better yet a '55 Chevy.
Are you all right, Mitchell?
No.
Was everything the way you wanted it?
The service?
Not very religious.
You're standing on one leg .
What?
An old prophet was once asked ,
''Can you tell me the meaning of religion
standing on one leg?''
And what did he say?
''Do unto others as you would have them do unto you .''
That's my belief.
We must be nicer people.
And are you?
God , no.
Did you get the bread?
Yeah .
Do you believe in doing unto others
as you would have them do unto you?
What?
Your father does.
My father believes you do to others
before they do to you .
Sorry, Dad .
l couldn't resist that.
lsn't it time you learned how, Alex,
at least occasionally, to resist?
What do you want to eat?
Fish .
We have whitefish , and we have lox.
Fresh fish .
We don't have any fresh .
We have a lake.
Well , why don't you and Alex take the boat out
and go catch a fish?
Now?
Rebecca, this is ridiculous.
l need a partner to row the boat.
You and me both .
Your father needs a partner.
Your father's asking for your company.
Rebecca, what is the problem?
Fish don't like that.
l had a call from Jim Lindsay the other day, Dad .
What's he calling you about?
He said he saw a guy out here who was assessing the property
on your instructions.
So? Testing the market.
-''Testing the market''? -Yeah .
Does that mean you're selling the house?
Why do you care?
What do you mean , why do l care?
l love this house. lt's got Mom's memories all over there.
You never even come up here anymore.
We used to come here all the time. We will again .
Why wouldn't you at least tell me?
Maybe Rebecca and l would like to take over the property.
l'm not asking you to give it to me, God forbid .
We'd write you a check.
Hey, Dad , could you chill out, please?
You're scaring my bites, all right?
Asher, don't hold the pole like that.
Please stop with the Moby Dick crap, all right?
Just leave Asher out of this.
l don't need help.
l'm not gonna have you bringing Asher into what happened to me.
-Oh , is that so? -That's so, Dad . Enough , okay?
Your wife died . l've lost my mother.
That's enough , okay. Just enough .
Okay, everybody.
Group hug . Come on .
Don't be a smartass, okay?
l wasn't talking to you .
Stop trying to make everybody cry with you .
l'm sick of that.
Some men cry inside.
That's what l'm saying .
Not everybody's a soggy cracker like you , Dad .
Holy shit!
l got a fish , man !
l think l got a fish !
-Oh , this is a big one! -Oh , it is big .
-Look at that thing ! -That's a big one!
He's a big one!
Oh , it's a big one! Holy shit!
Where's the net?
-Go ahead . -Dad ! Take it over!
-Use the net! -l got it, all right?
l've got him , okay?
l'm okay. There we go. All right.
What the hell you doing , man?
Damn ! Tell me you didn't just --
Schmuck!
-You had it in your hand . -That was my catch !
l'm sorry. Okay? l'm sorry. Okay?
l'm sorry.
All right.
Let's see if you can get another one.
Schmuck.
Mean brisket, Mom .
l had nothing to do with it.
What's Pappy doing? Can you see him?
Watching TV.
How can you just sit there?
Go get him .
Dad .
Not hungry.
That's a hundred wins right there.
There's the attempt to get on by a base-hit bunt.
Clemens right there to make the easy play.
l'm sorry about the fish and everything .
lf you change your mind , we'd love you to join us.
l finally get it into the boat, and what does my father do?
The guy drops the slippery sucker, man .
Are you upset about your grandmother?
Yeah , l'm here.
Want to talk about it?
No.
Not particularly.
l'm really sorry.
Yeah , l know.
So, what are you doing after graduation?
Doing that ''Euro rail , get on the train
with Americans who look exactly like you'' thing?
l have a job.
Of course you do.
l'm starting at the end of July.
l'm gonna be an editorial assistant.
What about you?
After my fifth year?
l have no idea.
Can l ask you a personal question?
l don't deal with death very well , so. . .
Are you wearing any exciting undergarments?
Christ, Asher.
Does death always make you this horny?
l don't know.
This is my first death .
Oh , Pappy.
Hello?
Yeah . No, it's my grandfather.
l better get going , okay?
Oh , okay.
-Peg? -Yeah?
l'm glad l called .
Me too.
l'll talk to you later.
Who was that?
Just a lady friend .
You schtupping her?
No, actually. Not yet.
Why the hell not?
Let me give you a quick pointer.
When you're ready to close the deal ,
get up, put on your shoes, and leave.
What do you mean?
Just what l said .
Put on your shoes and walk through the door.
That's your pointer?
Hey, mark my words.
She'll come back when you least expect it.
l know he thinks he can handle it,
but Mom did everything for him .
What happens if he has another stroke?
Breaks one of his hips?
Becca, what is this?
Look what the tooth fairy left for you .
Oh , Jesus.
-l tried to wait, l really did . -Oh , my God .
My God . Oh , Jesus, no.
l loved your mother very much ,
but she of all people would understand
that l couldn't go through the motions.
l know this looks bad , but it is not what you think, okay?
This looks bad? Oh , bad .
l have been acting like a crazy person ,
carrying around another woman's panties.
What the hell to do with them !
This is nothing .
-''Nothing''? -Rebecca!
Don't tell me it's nothing !
This is definitely something , Alex!
Whatever the hell it is, it's something .
lt's got lace all over it!
Nothing happened ! l'm washing dishes in the soup kitchen .
-l don't want to know details! -l'm telling the truth !
Then , how did her frigging panties end up in your pocket?
l don't know.
All right.
All right, let's say that nothing happened .
Just like you said .
Did you want something to happen with this woman , Alex?
Did you?
That's all l needed to know.
Rebecca, l can't do this right now.
l don't expect you to.
But it's out there now,
and we're gonna have to deal with it.
You okay, little man?
lt's so retarded .
lt's okay.
Don't worry, man .
Mom and Dad will kiss and make up before tomorrow morning .
As gross as that sounds.
lt's not Mom and Dad .
lt's dancing .
What?
Dancing .
There's a school dance on Wednesday.
Yuck. lt's stupid .
l don't get why anyone would want to do that.
lsn't your lady friend gonna be there?
You remember.
The one that you wanted to slap the ol' Gromberg lip lock on?
Whatever.
Oh , man .
Sixth-grade dance. Spring Fling .
Man , if anything's gonna go down , E . ,
that's where it's gonna happen .
Trust me. l got your back on that one.
Yeah , whatever.
She has a nose ring .
The runaway?
That's your girlfriend?
lt's Abby, thank you very much .
No shit.
l'm impressed , E .
What's wrong with a nose ring , anyway?
lt's in her nose.
l think l miss her.
Who?
The little punk chick?
No.
Granny.
Yeah .
l miss her, too, Eli .
You'll never know
Just how much
l miss you
You'll never know
Just how much
l care
And if l tried
l still couldn't hide
My love for you
ln the doghouse, huh?
Oh , don't ask, Dad .
Let's go for a ride.
What?
You can drive.
l had a thought.
What if you and Rebecca took over the deed?
Which deed?
''Which deed .'' The deed to the house.
Just thought about that, huh?
-What made you think of that? -Pull over.
Dad , if you can just hold onto it,
there's a gas station on route 9.
l don't have to pee.
Please, pull over, right here.
Okay.
Dad?
Dad , you okay?
l met your mother here.
l thought you met in law school .
No.
l met her right there.
Bake sale.
l bought a piece of poppy-seed cake.
Went in to get another just to see her again .
l must have had six slices
before l had the nerve to ask her to go out.
Your mother was the best thing to ever happen in my life.
l can hardly breathe without her.
For 30 years. . .
every Friday, l took the Express from Grand Central .
Yeah , l used to love that train ride.
Spending some time alone with my dad .
Your mother liked to drive up on her own ,
so we'd greet each other, fresh for the weekend .
The train would roll in , l'd step out. . .
. . .and there she was.
Waiting for me always.
Always.
Dad , Rebecca and l are in some trouble.
Did you hear what l said?
Now what did you do wrong?
She thinks l'm having an affair.
With another woman?
Yeah , Dad , with another woman .
lt doesn't surprise me.
What do you mean , it doesn't surprise you?
You never had a real sense of follow-through .
See, l mean , that's it.
l'm trying to talk to you .
You can't have one minute go by without trying to insult me?
l'm just telling it like it is.
Like it is or how you like to see it?
Just because your old man was a coldhearted prick
doesn't mean that you and l got to be that way, Dad .
Why is it that whatever l do, l always feel it's not enough?
l always feel like l'm coming up short, Dad .
Why? What is that?
Why, Dad?
What? Mom's not here to defend you?
You don't know what to say?
She was always ready to serve you .
When she was here, she was excusing --
Don't talk about your mother like that.
l will talk about her any way l want
because she is my mother, and , Dad . . .
. . .you're my father.
Couldn't you just at least have a little bit of approval
about my life?
ls that really gonna kill you to give me maybe that much?
What do you want me to say? That l love you?
You know, l'm not like your mother.
l can't say everything out loud .
lt doesn't mean l don't.
And l love you , too, Dad .
l'm not always proud of my behavior.
Nobody is. Nobody.
And , Alex, you're a much better father than l was.
Thank you .
But you didn't exactly set the bar all that high .
Come on . Let's go home.
To the side if you're gonna stop, please!
Come on , let's go.
Let's go.
-Sweet! -There we go.
-You know what your problem is? -What's my problem?
You're not confused .
lt's painfully obvious that you're. . .
What? Paralyzed by the fear of failure?
As long as you're aware of it.
How can you sleep at night?
l don't know.
l guess we're different.
Why do you care?
Why do l care?
'Cause you're acting like a pussy.
l don't like hanging out with pussies.
A pussy?
Don't!
Wait, wait.
What's wrong?
What?
Do l have B.O.? That's not fair.
l didn't get to shower.
l was running all over the place.
l don't want to ruin this.
l'm sorry?
l just think what we have going right now is so good .
l don't want to rush it.
Are you high?
No.
l just think that we should respect the connection .
lt's a game.
No. l'm serious.
Here.
l'll call you later, okay?
Can l call you later?
Yeah .
Okay.
Mr. Gromberg , are you okay, sir?
The usual . Thank you .
Abby Staley.
Hey, Eli , do you want to go get a drink?
No, l'm good .
All right. Talk to you later.
-Hey. -What?
How come you're just standing here?
How come you look like a banker?
l don't know.
My dad bought me this.
l like your bracelets.
Do you?
Or are you making a dick of yourself and being nice?
No, l do. They're nice.
Do you dance?
Here? No.
But l would get the hell out of here.
So how did Eli look for the dance tonight?
lf you had been here, maybe you wouldn't have to ask.
A little early for bed tonight, isn't it?
Excuse me.
How long are you gonna keep freezing me out?
l don't know.
l need time. All right?
Beck, l am sorry.
l am so sorry.
So am l .
l'm sorry and sad and exhausted .
Oh , God .
Just talk to Barney.
lt's my father.
Oh , better!
Yes, Dad?
What?
lf you would just sign here, Mr. Gromberg .
And that should do it.
Your late brother's remains
are now officially in your custody.
My deepest condolences.
Thank you .
Have you . . .
l'm assuming you've made suitable arrangements.
Don't worry.
We will see that he gets a fitting burial .
What's up, man?
Prolific.
Just waiting on my muse.
She's a bit tardy this evening , no?
Or should l say this semester?
She'll be here, man . She'll be here.
As we await her arrival ,
how about we do a little drinkypoo?
Pappy was right.
What?
Nothing . What's up?
l could hear you all the way down the lobby.
lt was really loud .
Yeah .
This is my buddy from down the hall .
Don't be fooled by his fancy grammar.
He's really a slimeball .
Malik, this is Peg .
lt's a great pleasure to meet you .
l thought l'd surprise you .
lt's a nice surprise.
''Chablis 2002 .''
Boxed wine.
l liked the rectangular element.
Take a seat.
So, what have you guys been up to?
Cramming?
Yeah .
For what? Chemistry?
Well , perhaps you'd like to try an experiment or two?
You wouldn't lead me astray, now, would you?
No. No way.
No way.
Welcome to my laboratory.
l want to get the sodas.
Get me a Pepsi .
l don't think the graphics were better.
Hey, yeah , look!
Hey, check it out. Over there.
Let's get 'em !
l'm gonna get ready. . .
Well , well . Abby Staley.
Quick, it's Shea! Let's go! Out the back gate!
Where the hell are you going?
Leave me alone!
You don't like me anymore, Abby?
You're a good kid , aren't you?
-Leave him alone. -He can't speak for himself?
l said leave him alone, you shithead !
You believe the language?
You think l wouldn't find you?
Oh , that's your little game.
Leave me alone. My brother will beat the shit out of you .
That's for your brother!
Leave her alone, shithead !
Get him !
You little rat!
Shit! He broke my Tony Hawk! Damn it!
He broke my goddamn board !
Yeah , come on !
Come on ! Let's go!
Come on !
Please be careful .
l will .
-Can you handle it? -Yeah , l got it, Dad .
l think so.
Okay, we'll put him in the bow.
Okay.
Now, watch out for the ledge right here.
Dad , where's the bow?
Go -- come. . .
All right.
Okay.
Put him here.
Oh , my back!
Christ! My back!
Dad , what are you doing? You're gonna hurt yourself.
Someone has to do it!
Dad , this is absurd . This is totally absurd .
lt is not.
He lived by the sea. Now he dies by the sea.
This is not a sea, Dad , okay?
This is Lake Winnipac. lt's not the Atlantic.
lt's a sailor's sky tonight.
He was in the Navy, Dad . He wasn't a Viking .
This is what he always wanted .
This is what he gets.
Dad , we got neighbors here, okay?
The hell with them !
Dad .
l'm fine.
He held on for a while, didn't he?
The only way he knew how.
You could have learned a thing or two from him .
No, l did .
l learned how to tie 36 different ship knots.
Oh , the hell with knots.
The man had character.
You could have learned that from him .
l tried to learn that from you .
l'm getting blisters.
Let's go over here.
So, how come you hang out with that asshole Morgan Cooper?
l don't know.
How come you ran away with that guy?
l don't know.
Thought he was cool , l guess.
Was he?
No.
Where'd you go?
Cape Cod .
Why did you come back?
l don't know. l guess l got bored .
Were you homesick?
Hell , no.
l don't know.
Maybe a little.
l get homesick when l go to camp.
That's 'cause camp sucks.
Are your parents as boring and angry
and always screaming at each other, like mine?
Kind of.
Do they never talk to you , like mine?
No, my parents are always talking to me.
They ask me questions whenever they can .
You're lucky.
No, l'm not.
You're lucky.
No, it's okay.
Oh , you really do like it.
How come you haven't tried to kiss me?
What?
l don't know.
Do you wanna?
l don't know.
'Cause you can , you know. lf you wanna.
No, thank you .
Okay.
Police!
What's going on here?
What's all this noise?
Where do you think you're going?
What are you doing?
Spread your legs. Spread your legs!
l'm so sorry.
Asher, what have you gotten me into?
What's happening?
No talking .
Jesus, man . What are you doing?
l can't believe l trusted you !
-Closet back here? -No.
l don't know. lt's not mine.
Yeah , right.
-Oh , my God . -Move that for me.
You got a key for this?
No, l've never used it before.
Come on , get something . Anything .
Asher.
Oh , my God !
Holy shit.
Jackpot.
How about this for a noise complaint?
We're looking at 1 5 years. What do you think?
There must be eight plants in here.
l don't want anything to do with you !
Peg , l'm so sorry.
l didn't mean to get you in trouble.
l'll do something .
l can see the headlines.
''Father and Son Burn Uncle in Makeshift Viking Funeral .
Wife and Children Shamed .''
ls this legal , Dad?
All right. So, what do we do?
We say something or. . .
lt's not about words.
l'm sorry. Of course, you've done this before.
lt's about this man's connection with the sea.
lt's not about you or me or words of grace.
Okay.
Push it to the waterline.
All right.
Okay, okay.
Now, when l say ''ahoy,''
give it a big shove out to sea.
Aye-aye, Captain .
Sorry, Dad .
We don't have to do this.
We're doing it!
Ahoy. Ahoy!
What's going on?
Dad . Dad . We got to go.
Dad , come on . We got to go.
Thank you , Alex.
Thank you .
You know we could go to jail?
lf we're lucky, we might be cellmates.
Yeah , hi , honey.
What?
Beck, is he okay? Where is he?
They're processing his papers.
They had to fingerprint him .
He'll probably get off.
The police didn't have a warrant.
He's always getting off.
That's part of the problem , Alex.
lt can't go on like this any longer.
Look at us. Can you believe this?
You okay?
l'm still here, aren't l?
Asher, honey.
l didn't know the shit was there, Mom .
Save it, Asher.
Do you realize how serious this is?
l'm so sorry, Dad !
l'm sorry, too, buddy.
l'm sorry, too.
Oh , God .
Asher, do you know
you could have gotten up to 1 5 years for this?
l'm such a screw-up.
You're not. You are not a screw-up.
You're not.
Did Pappy have to see this?
Everything's screwed up, Dad . Everything's shit, Dad .
There was this girl who was there.
She didn't do anything .
She's gonna hate me now.
This just gets better and better.
lt's okay.
You have to help her, Dad .
lt's all right, Asher. l'll take care of her.
Don't worry about her. She'll be all right.
There was no search warrant. Thank God .
l also screwed up with school , Ma.
l'm gonna have to go back.
You're failing your senior year?
You're a bright kid , for God's sake!
l just couldn't get into it.
What the hell can you do? Sell drugs?
Let's face this, all right?
We have all been in our own little worlds.
lt's gonna stop right now.
We're a family. We're gonna figure this out together.
Figure what out? This and school and --
And everything else. That's right.
Asher, you're not a kid anymore.
You got to find out what is important in your life.
What do you love?
And you let nothing get in the way of it.
Asher, listen to your father.
He knows what he's talking about.
Oh , God .
Who's calling you now?
l don't know. This is probably a patient.
Hello?
-Mrs. Gromberg? -Yes?
This is Mrs. Hodgeson . ls Eli with you?
He disappeared from the dance tonight.
ls he in there?
Yeah .
You are staying here with us tonight.
l don't want you out of my sight.
Where should l sleep?
Why don't you sleep in your old room , with Eli?
You've got a lot of talking to do,
but in the morning .
l couldn't take one more surprise tonight.
Good night, honey.
l'm going to bed .
Good night, Mom .
Good night, boys.
What about me?
What about you?
Where do l sleep?
Couch .
Yeah , yeah , yeah .
What are you doing?
l was getting in bed with my wife.
Are you out of your mind?
Aren't things confusing enough?
We have two kids. Both of them weird .
Very weird , Alex.
One is a drug dealer, and the other is --
What's Eli? He's what?
l don't know what the other one is!
But, Alex, do you want to work at this?
Really work at this?
Yes, l do. Yes.
Will you see her again?
No. No, l'm not --
l wasn't seeing her.
Beck, l got sidetracked .
At the office and the soup kitchen .
And l wasn't paying attention .
Life.
lt's always getting in the way of us, isn't it?
Yeah .
The couch .
Oh , Rebecca.
The couch .
Alex.
Yeah?
ln the morning , there are three things you can do.
You could get our son a good lawyer,
find us a marriage counselor,
and you can wash the dishes in our kitchen .
l love you , Beck. Good night.
l love you , too.
What the hell are you doing , Dad?
lnsulin .
Your mother used to do this.
You gonna be comfortable here?
ln the war, l slept in blood-filled trenches.
Hope you don't mind if l join you .
No. You take this couch .
Thanks, Dad .
Still in the doghouse?
Well , Dad , l thought we'd relive my childhood .
All those nights we went out camping together?
Yeah , l remember.
Oh , yeah . ln your dreams.
You were a pain in the ass.
We had a lot of nights out together. Didn't we, Dad?
You should have seen him .
He was seven feet tall . Huge. Like The Rock.
When he swung his board at me, l put my fist right through it.
Broke it in half. A Tony Hawk, too.
When he got up, he charged at me.
But l just went like this, and l kicked him .
Then l went. . .
Right in his mug . Laid him out.
Smack in the kisser.
Good night, boys!
Good night, Eli .
Good night, Pappy. Good night, Dad .
Night, Dad . Night, Pappy.
Good night, Mom .
Good night.
You'll never know how much l love you
How many verses do you know, Dad?
lt's a lullaby that puts me to sleep.
lt's keeping me awake.
Bro, what's that bracelet all about?
You get that for taking care of your lady?
E . , man , that's a good thing , buddy.
Wish l had done the same.
And if l tried
l never could hide
l guess l'm not the father l thought l was.
Got one kid who could be in the can .
And the other one.
There's something about him . l don't know what it is.
When we were kids, Stephen and l ,
we got in trouble with the cops.
Really? You never told me that.
Selling booze that fell off a truck.
We did okay, too.
Dad , l'm thinking about leaving the firm .
l want to try public office again .
l waited 1 0 years to hear you say that.
Really?
Well , maybe this time, you'll vote for me?
Not a chance in hell .
And if l tried
l still couldn't hide
My love for you
You're not planning on this
becoming a permanent arrangement, are you?
Don't worry!
The doctor says l only got a few good years.
Don't worry.
You went away...